You Can't Be Ugly AND Be a Bitch

I haven't dated the best looking guys and truth be told, I readily admit I wasn't physically attracted to some, if not most of them. But most funny, witty, guys with great personalities don't necessarily score big in the looks department as well. It's called survival of the fittest- You had to grow a personality because you weren't such a looker. But here's the up and up on being ugly:

Ugly people are appreciated for their personality -- Beautiful people never know if people like them for who they are or how they look. I know plenty of pretty women and to be perfectly honest I couldn’t tell you if they have pleasant personalities or not. Heck, I couldn’t tell you if they have a personalities at all. If you’re ugly, though, and someone agrees to go out with you it’s because they like you for who you are. Unless, of course, you are rich. Then they like you because of your money.

Ugly people are funnier -- Think of all the truly funny people you know. Chances are they are unattractive. That’s because ugly people can’t take themselves too seriously. “Son, if you can’t laugh at yourself, my dad used to tell me, “then you’re obviously not looking in the mirror."

Ugly is cheap and easy -- I don’t mean that ugly people are cheap and easy (though that too is often the case) but that ugliness is low maintenance. When you’re ugly you don’t have to worry about trivialities such as make-up, or face lifts, or brushing your teeth. Since nothing you do is really going to matter you can just let yourself go.

Ugly people are more successful -- Beautiful people have everything handed to them. Ugly people, on the other hand, have to work harder to get what they want. Do you think there would be a Microsoft if Bill Gates looked like George Clooney? Great innovations, inventions, and advice columns are always produced by some ugly geek who couldn’t get a date and had nothing better to do than improve the world. Our economy if fueled on ugly.

Ugly people are the majority -- Forget the Democrat and Republican parties. Someday we ugly people will unite and become the biggest voting bloc in the country. One day we will take over and have all the pretty people be at our beck and call. I figure that we can hold our first convention at the state fair since we all congregate there anyway.

Ugly is inevitable -- Beauty fades but ugly is everlasting. If we live long enough we eventually all get ugly. Some of us fortunate ones just get there first.

For those of you who don't have any of these redeeming qualities but remain to be ugly... well then, that is just a scientific mystery because in my opinion you can't be ugly AND a bitch. Happy Columbus Day!

-Simply Emily

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