Cheap and Easy
St.Patrick’s Day is right around the corner and nothing gets me thinking of this special green holiday like… well honestly speaking, nothing gets me thinking of Paddy’s Day like pasty ginger kids and left over green Mardi Gras beads. But right after that, I promise, it’s beer.
I really like beer. WOW I sound like I have a problem. But I do. I really like beer-mostly because it’s cheap and easy. I like cheap and easy. Moreover, I like my cheap and easy beer in red plastic cups that remind me of a more simple time where life was actually cheap and easy. Makes a gal feel real young I tell you. Moving to the city has really kind of ruined that for me. Ten-dollar beers in tall glasses with fancy orange slices just don’t speak the same language you know? It’s been awhile, but here’s an SAT analogy for you my kittens. Fancy is to beer as high class is to hookers. OMYGAT! What an oxymoron.
Okay, I’m digressing. Here’s a list of beers I will be drinking in offensive amounts on this garish and tacky holiday. Cheers!
1. Hoegaarden Witbier (BELGIAN): This white beer is fantastic. Specifically it is a fresh Belgian wheat beer. It is pale and cloudy in appearance and is usually spiced with coriander or orange peel. Because it is mildly sweet and acidic, it is a great thirst quencher.
2. Guinness Brewers (IMPORTED/DUBLIN): I’m not much for black and tan, but I thought I’d add this for those of you who are ^^ For those of you who know me, I like my beer just like I like my men- PALE. Anyways, Guinness and Harp is where it all started. Guinness is a dry stout. It has a distinctive black body and creamy white head. They say you should wait 119.5 (approx. 2 min) seconds before drinking as there is a difference in taste, but I’m usually in kind of a rush to get drunk.
3. Yuengling (MICROBREWED): Yuengling is America’s oldest brewery. Experts (alcoholics) say that Yuengling is a great outdoors beer made to be consumed after hard intensive labor like lawn mowing and such. It has a nice neutral taste with a honey-grain finish that both guys and girls can appreciate.
4. HoneyMoon: HoneyMoon is a ”seasonal ale” from Blue Moon. It isn’t available now which makes it like summer time gold for me. I’m not a fan of Blue Moon because I swear it takes like water left over from washing buttloads of celery, but I’m kind of in love with it’s sexier, sweeter brother Honey Moon. The bottle reads “…clover honey, fresh orange peel and both pale and white wheat malts…” but I just read a mouth full of DELICIOUS.
Beer I won’t touch even if you laced it with a rim of crack served on Daniel Henney's ass.
1. Stella Artois (BELGIUM CRAP): This bougie beer hails from The Kingdom of Belgium and is a fancy beer masquerading as good beer. It is much like Grey Goose. All marketing. Cannot, will not be picking this one up by choice.
2. Heineken (DUTCH CRAP): Oh the bitter taste of Heineken… Only angry Asians who want to fight and find the thick and heavy bottle convenient to smash on ones’ head drink Heineken. That is all…
3. Natural Light (DOMESTIC CRAP): I know you guys don’t want to hear me say it and as it pains me to do so, nostalgia will not keep me from saying that this beer is total and utter crap. Avoid at all costs. I’m pretty sure someone blogged “ Natural Light tastes like a yeast infection.” Disgusting, but seems on point to me.
Well the night is deep and my day will be long so I’m wrapping it up. I hope you guys have a safe and delightful St.Patrick’s Day to which I hope you will not remember because you actually went out and had a good time. Ta Ta~
Simply,
Emily
I really like beer. WOW I sound like I have a problem. But I do. I really like beer-mostly because it’s cheap and easy. I like cheap and easy. Moreover, I like my cheap and easy beer in red plastic cups that remind me of a more simple time where life was actually cheap and easy. Makes a gal feel real young I tell you. Moving to the city has really kind of ruined that for me. Ten-dollar beers in tall glasses with fancy orange slices just don’t speak the same language you know? It’s been awhile, but here’s an SAT analogy for you my kittens. Fancy is to beer as high class is to hookers. OMYGAT! What an oxymoron.
Okay, I’m digressing. Here’s a list of beers I will be drinking in offensive amounts on this garish and tacky holiday. Cheers!
1. Hoegaarden Witbier (BELGIAN): This white beer is fantastic. Specifically it is a fresh Belgian wheat beer. It is pale and cloudy in appearance and is usually spiced with coriander or orange peel. Because it is mildly sweet and acidic, it is a great thirst quencher.
2. Guinness Brewers (IMPORTED/DUBLIN): I’m not much for black and tan, but I thought I’d add this for those of you who are ^^ For those of you who know me, I like my beer just like I like my men- PALE. Anyways, Guinness and Harp is where it all started. Guinness is a dry stout. It has a distinctive black body and creamy white head. They say you should wait 119.5 (approx. 2 min) seconds before drinking as there is a difference in taste, but I’m usually in kind of a rush to get drunk.
3. Yuengling (MICROBREWED): Yuengling is America’s oldest brewery. Experts (alcoholics) say that Yuengling is a great outdoors beer made to be consumed after hard intensive labor like lawn mowing and such. It has a nice neutral taste with a honey-grain finish that both guys and girls can appreciate.
4. HoneyMoon: HoneyMoon is a ”seasonal ale” from Blue Moon. It isn’t available now which makes it like summer time gold for me. I’m not a fan of Blue Moon because I swear it takes like water left over from washing buttloads of celery, but I’m kind of in love with it’s sexier, sweeter brother Honey Moon. The bottle reads “…clover honey, fresh orange peel and both pale and white wheat malts…” but I just read a mouth full of DELICIOUS.
Beer I won’t touch even if you laced it with a rim of crack served on Daniel Henney's ass.
1. Stella Artois (BELGIUM CRAP): This bougie beer hails from The Kingdom of Belgium and is a fancy beer masquerading as good beer. It is much like Grey Goose. All marketing. Cannot, will not be picking this one up by choice.
2. Heineken (DUTCH CRAP): Oh the bitter taste of Heineken… Only angry Asians who want to fight and find the thick and heavy bottle convenient to smash on ones’ head drink Heineken. That is all…
3. Natural Light (DOMESTIC CRAP): I know you guys don’t want to hear me say it and as it pains me to do so, nostalgia will not keep me from saying that this beer is total and utter crap. Avoid at all costs. I’m pretty sure someone blogged “ Natural Light tastes like a yeast infection.” Disgusting, but seems on point to me.
Well the night is deep and my day will be long so I’m wrapping it up. I hope you guys have a safe and delightful St.Patrick’s Day to which I hope you will not remember because you actually went out and had a good time. Ta Ta~
Simply,
Emily
posted by SimplyEmily at
4:01 PM
2 Comments:
pleeeease! hoegaarden is JUST as bougie as stella
stella and heineken are NOT on the same level as natty light...!!
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