The Frank Installations...

I don't know exactly when I met Frank. I never was really good at remembering those kind of things. If you'd asked him, he'd sigh and say " Don't you remember? We met on... with so and so... at that place. You know, the one that Susie always went to." He's kind of brilliant that way. He remembers things because I always forget them. If one of us didn't-remember that is- then neither of us could recollect the journey of our friendship. Reflecting back, I'm still trying to figure out if that would have been a tragedy, or instead, a gift. 

I think I was about fifteen when Frank first came into my life. Wish I could say I remembered the exact date. Not that it would give it any more or less significance to the matter. But, that was the way it was with him- not distinctive moments in time, but the lingering air in every part of my memory. In every comforting corner of my mind, every sigh of relief as I exhaled, he had existed in all those parts. The details could no longer possibly matter.

Nineteen year old Frank was neither charismatic or witty, incredibly humorous or charming. Instead, he was cautious and careful, rebellious and fiercely independent. He was a recluse that found it hard to trust anyone. At fifteen, I was naive and stupid (because the two are not one of the same) who found it all too easy to befriend everyone. I was idealistic and Frank had already been weathered by the realities of life. Three jobs, a mortgage payment, and 14 hour days will do that to you. I never had known such unimaginable feat of responsibilities, but Frank, owed it all with a finesse I will never completely understand. Life is kind of unfair that way. If you'd say something to Frank he'd just laugh and say, "That's just the way things are honey." It would be cool and carefree and that would be that. 

Twenty seven year old Frank still isn't charismatic, but he has been discovered to be witty. He isn't incredibly humorous, but he makes me laugh. He is still careful and cautious, but he has lost his boyish angst. He doesn't trust everyone, but has learned to let in the important few. Twenty seven year old Frank has grown into an incredible man. Would he say the same about twenty three year old Emily? Almost a decade together we had gone from friends to lovers back to friends and at the brink of losing it all, I wish we could definitively hold onto one. But it's hard to hold onto either when your reaching for different things...