Use Me, Abuse Me, Come and Amuse Me

Dating in New York is much like dating anywhere else- if you were on... SPEED.

I may not be the perfect example, but this expatriate will tell you, Southern girls don't date. We have relationships that subsequently lead to marriage and then babies. Sometimes there are different arrangements in the order,but there is a man and a baby involved none-the-less. I however did not follow the laws of the land and decided to make a run for it before they could figure it out. Sneaky eh ??

So while masquerading as a city mouse here's what I've learned on dating, drugs, and the strange comparisons between the two:

1. Dating is Expensive

Most will say that dating is only an expensive sport when it comes to men. Au contraire! While I agree with you that many a men have spent generous amounts of money for mediocre dates on countless women, I must put in that women in New York spend money like no other to snag the aforementioned dates. Do you think we wake up looking like sugar & spice? Here's the breakdown of a BASIC date.

Women

1. Toner $35

2. Day cream $45

3. Night cream $75

4. Eye cream $60

5. Sunscreen $35

6. Liquid foundation $58

7. Loose powder $35

8. Gel eyeliner $15

9. Lip gloss $25

10. Mascara $25

11. Lashes $13

12. Dessert/Coffee $15

13. Cab fare $20

Total: $456

Men

1. Drinks X 4 $68+tax+tip

2. Dinner $ 80

3. Dessert/Coffee $15

4. Movie $24

5. Cab fare $20

Total: $207

The typical retail price of speed varies from $60-$100 a gram and half.

2. Dating is Euphoric

Of course this is all depending on the woman/man in question, but for the most part dating is exciting because it holds the promise of something that can be. There are a lot of these can be chances in the city. NYC is home to more than 8 million people. Ok- not all of them are single, but that's a whole lot of people squeezed on this tiny island.

Love releases surges of endorphins that incites a feeling of happiness much like people who use amphetamines to increase levels of dopamine. Yes love is a high. Or something like it...

3. Dating Causes Anxiety

City Mice are serial daters. Just not with the same person... It isn't uncommon to go on a lovely date with a guy/gal and not hear from them for oh... about a month. This sets a casual tone that releases you from any and all expected responsibilities of serious dating. This offense is mostly repeated by men who work in FiDi (financial district). These extremely busy men find it nice to have a few dinners and other similar forms of companionship once every other week without the complications of commiting. Drama of having to deal with potential "feelings" and the stress of DTR's (define the relationship) are time consuming and something that can be easily avoided with the right amount of strategic dating. This logic lies behind the idea that one cannot expect anything from someone you talk to/see rarely.

Next time you bask in the glow of your last date and feel all fluttery, try to remember its not butterflies- It's called anxiety.

Anxiety is a combination of components that induce feelings of uneasiness, fear, and worry.

Frequent users of recreational drugs like speed find that they too are often anxious and moody as levels of norepinephrine (stress/anxiety hormones) are increased.

4. Dating causes changes in:

- libido

- concentration

- energy

- self esteem

- self confidence

- sociability

- irritability

5. Dating is Addicting

Compulsive dating is habit forming. It lowers your expectations and standards. This is mainly due to over exposure. Simple fact lies in the fact that you meet more losers than winners. We can't all be winners. Run with enough losers and you begin to find it the norm. Who wants losers to be the norm? O_0

In my opinion one must work to find, maintain, and stay in healthy relationships. Although I have yet to execute such intense labor, I believe, bouncing around from one loser to the next creates a habit. Habits are repetitive actions we have preformed so often that it becomes an involuntary response. Involuntary response! Good Gosh- we have now officially become robots. Or maybe just me.

- Simply Emily

Facts are Fun

Sometimes I read old posts and they still hold very much true that I like to do a repeat. Here's one from Facebook:

1. I have an unhealthy fear of commitment, but I am all things wedding OBSESSED. Gocco, DIY projects, invitations, wedding dresses, and inspiration boards Oh My!

2. I consider myself an empowered, modern woman, but I'm oddly attracted to being a 1940's housewife. Very leave it to Beaver if you will...

3. I don't have any favorites. Colors, seasons, songs, etc... It's all very situational and circumstantial. I think it goes hand in hand with my unwillingness to commit to anything.

4. Witty, pale, emaciated, and tall asian boys are sexy

5. I'm kind of a label whore, but it's kind of my job so I justify it. I also secretly judge what your wearing. I may look like ass, but my eyes still work.

6. Give me 5 minutes and I can pretty much talk my way out of anything. Reason, logic, and some strategically placed bullshit is like magic.

7. I've lost a lot of shame a long the way, but it's been more fun this way.

8. I left Mr. Right to date a batch of Mr. WHAT WERE U THINKING and will probably always hold him as the standard, but will refuse to go back

9.I Love Love Love watching ultimate cake challenges and ace of cakes

10. I would marry Chandler Bing from Friends

11. I don't ride roller coasters or watch scary movies because paying for fear is stupid

12. I want to return to St.Mark's Square in Venice and re enact the De Beers commercial where a man yells " I LOVE THIS WOMAN " and pops out a ginormous diamond and she whispers " I love this man " except I'd yell " I LOVE THIS DIAMOND! OMG " and bite it to make sure it's real.

13. I kissed the most gorgeous man in Rome and he didn't speak a lick of English, but that's ok cause he spoke sexy and I understood THAT universal language. I consider it my very own Roman Holiday.

14. I'm really nocturnal and find myself very bored at night

15. I want fake boobs, but have a fear that they'll look ridiculous and make me look like a mail order bride

16. I don't like anything artificially grape flavored.

BONUS

17. The thought of going out with younger men have always creeped me out, but as I get older I am finding myself flirting with the thought which creeps me out more. LOL. Yes I'd like to club a baby seal.

18. The word baby freaks me out and makes me want to puke in my mouth a little everytime I hear it. I begin to blush even when it's not directly said to me and I feel the need to gag a bit. I don't find it sweet or endearing.

When it rains...

I love LOVE Love the rain. It is so utterly romantic I think I can cry.

It's amazing in the city because with all its' distractions, everybody notices the rain. And that's nearly impossible in a place filled with blaring sounds, blinding lights, and sweeping masses. That's the thing about rain- It's all consuming.

Sometimes I like to pretend I'm drowning- without the actual dramatics of, well, drowning of course... They say that when you're drowning all you can think about is breathing. I say, your head is already under the water- so what's the panic? When you stop fighting, you may realize you've just been safely suspended all along. People worry too much about staying dry. Maybe because when you're well put together it's the perfect guise for things that are falling apart. It just makes me think that everyone is falling apart... I suppose we are.

And then....

There are those who are obnoxious and hold umbrellas meant for 12 but used on 1. I tell you those umbrellas are for small Japanese tour groups and not pretentious bastards afraid of getting a little wet. What's the point of that when the rain is meant to be shared. Besides, it's crazy sexy feeling the radiating warmth from someone other than yourself when you share an umbrella, no?

That's all I got for the enlightenment of rain today kids.

Simply,

Emily